Classy!

Things I Remember

1) Climbing up the foot of my parents bed, squeezing between them at some ungodly hour of the morning then spending most of the time poking my dad's eyelid open with my thumb to see if he was really asleep.

2) Picnics on the moors with a flask of tea, beef paste sandwishes, bags of KP crisps and my mum's special canvas fold out chair.

3) Photograph albums full of various relatives stood in front of their cars.

4) Washday, also known as 'Mangle Monday' when, during school holidays, I was tasked with turning the handle while my mother fed and my brother held the basket.

5) My father's shot gun, displayed on the arch above the dining table.

6) A blackbird's nest in the bush by the shed with five bright yellow, expectant mouths reaching up like ceramic pie funnels.

7) Picking pretty flowers that turned out to be thistle heads.

8) The ceramic dray horse and barrels that stood on my great uncle's hearth, and his collection of old frying pans in case anyone needed a coal skuttle mending.

9) A jack russel who used to like to ride in the wheelbarrow.

10) The smell of my dad's shed, the sawdust under the lathe, the petrol for the strimmer, creosote and PVA.

Free Amusement

Now some folk find it hard to amuse kids on rainy days. I think I have an advantage, I think like a kid. So when faced with a rainy afternoon, a bored three year old and a mountain of toilet roll cardboard innards, I was possessed by something that would make Mister Maker wake up in a cold sweat (now if I discovered something to wake Sportacus up in a cold sweat, I think I could bottle it and become very rich indeed) The result was a kind of animal skittles game that kept her amused for ages and she kept going back to again, and again.

Added bonus, it cost nothing.

Other ideas for amusing kids for free.

1) Dress up in your best winter hats and scarves and go mountaineering to the landing, set up base camp and eat rations in a tent (saves on heating too)

2) Go to your local library, you can read as many new stories as you like and you don't even have to buy one out of guilt (like I sometimes do in Borders)

3) Play indoor rugby with a soft toy (a fluffy chicken works best)

4) Sort out your wardrobe (it's surprising how much fun kids can have trying on mummy's shoes and laughing at her big pants)

5) Put empty icecream tubs on your feet and go ice skating on the hall carpet

6) Make spaceman helmets from cornflake boxes and turn the kitchen into a shuttle with dining room chairs for seats and a cushion control console (you can then explore strange planets in your own living room such as Jelly-moon and the Bum-wiggle planet where the bot spiders come from)

7) The rubbish orchestra, now I know most three year olds don't need musical instruments to make a dreadful racket but you'd be surprised what you can do with elastic bands, bottles, rice, spoons and pans (other than make your neighbours write to the council)

8) Sock puppet theatre (it helps if the socks are clean, odd and have names like 'Wuzzlefuzz' and the 'Gum-gum Botty Wot')

9) Play shark attack (bit like pirates at school) put cushions on the floor and use the couch as a base. Take turns to be the circling shark in the water trying to catch the unwary sailors who fall in before they make it to safety.

10) Bake a cake. You don't need to be Nigella to follow a simple recipe (our favourite is banana cake - which is fortunate as I always seem to have a hand of slightly brown bananas begging not to be wasted) and you get to impress folk with your efforts. If it turns out crap, tell everyone the three year old did most of the work and they'll be full of nothing but exuberant praise as they bite into cake wrapped egg shell.

Unique, Like Everyone Else