I must have had a deprived childhood since I cannot remember ever going trick or treating. Living in the middle of nowhere might have had something to do with it. You go traipsing around the countryside in a pointy hat and carrying a broomstick you're just asking to be tied to a fence post and set alight or shot by a farmer's twelve bore.
I do remember school parties where all the girls went as witches and all the boys came as the Crow, they must have run out of original that night.
Halloween will always have a special significance to me. Some ten years ago, while studying in America, I fell in with a crowd of people who were considered 'freaks' by the rest of the student body. To me they were normal as shoe laces.
It seemed to me, as an outsider, that the southern state I was staying in disliked anything out of ordinary. Homophobia, racism, chauvenism and stupidity were rife among people of my own generation who, frankly, should have ditched those sentiments a century ago. I was berated by my own sex for even contemplating walking home alone through well lit streets, having short hair (which MUST mean I was a lesbian - it didn't help that it as purple at the time) speaking to fellow students who were black (that was asking to gang raped - apparently) or coercing with the 'freaks' in the cafeteria.
Trust me when I say, the freaks seemed ten times more sane to me.
Among these outcast folk were a couple of guy who liked guys, one girl who liked girls, one girl who had tattoos (and was therefore labelled a worshipper of Satan) a couple of arty poet types and a Catholic. Hideous criminals of society, I think you'll agree. Their only failing in my eyes was that their segragation from the rest of the 'normal God Fearing' students had made them relish their 'freak' status and use every opportunity to rub it in.
One of the guys would dress up in drag at the drop of a hat, just to annoy the homophobes, the girls would snog in the foyer where everyone could see them, they would dress up as pirates and go to the mall and other attention seeking bollocks.
Small change by my standards.
I did, however, meet one 'freak' of interest. So interesting in fact that I dated him for three years and considered (but thankfully did not go through with) marrying him. His crime to humanity was being Wiccan.
I don't intend to explain Wicca (that's what Wikipedia is for) but I will say that the ideas behind this neo-pagan movement matched some homegrown truths I had harboured and I soon found myself performing candlemagic with him and scouring new age junk shops for pagan paraphenalia. I still own a Tarot deck which I've been known to drag out at dinner parties when I've had a few glasses of wine.
The truth is, although real life has overtaking whatever mystical aspirations I once had, I still feel an affinity with the idea that the most important forces in the world are the ones which surround us in our everyday existence. The air we breath, the earth beneath our feet, our kin and the love that binds us to them.
I may have packed away my altar and Book of Shadows but sometimes, when the moon is waxing and the night is crisp and clear, I feel the tug of the 'wee hag' within me, and supress the urge to run skyclad through the fields (again, more common when I've had a few glasses of wine)
So for me Halloween isn't just a cheesy rip off for folk who want to drag their kids round the neighbourhood to stock up on ket. All Hallows Eve (or Samhain - if you follow the Pagan callender) is a nostalgic glimpse into my gothic, mystical past.
It is as close to religion as I get.
This year I took my daughter to the Halloween party at playgroup. She wanted to go as, yep, you've guessed it, a witch. She's my daughter alright.
