We were talking at work the other day, as you do on the twilight shift when there's only the three of us in and we grow weary of bitching about work, about superheroes. I posed the question: If you were a superhero, who would you be? I added that it didn't have to be an established superhero, you could make one up. There were interesting answers. We had several Superman, Spiderman, Wonderwoman answers, one Captain Underpants (I believe she is seeking help) a She-Ra and, the best so far, the Milky Bar Kid.
I think I was the only one to make up an alter-ego. I said I would be the Chocolatier. This elusive saviour of mankind would dress in dark brown velvet, preferably with a large zorro style hat and mask and would defeat urban crime with her deadly art of throwing chocolate. Anyone hit by the chocolate would be sent into a euphoric state of ecstacy that would be brought to an end by my lethal roundhouse kick: the Walnut Whip. My enemies would be unable to penetrate my protective shield: the Brazil Nut. I would be accompanied by my minions, two large, muscled black guys in brown Armani suits called the Cocoa Solids and my secret lair would under the Nestle factory.
In truth I have often given thought to superpowers, particularly ESP and telekenetics. I can remember someone asking me if I could have a superpower, what would it be (we tend to have these conversation in our house) and at the time my daughter was still breast feeding and I answered: Telekenesis. You might not see the link but anyone who has just settled themselves into a nice warm bath just for the phone to ring, husband to lock himself out or realise you've left the oven on/shampoo in the cabinet and/or glass on wine on the kitchen bench, will appreciate how handy it would be in those moments to be able to will the desired object into motion and solve the problem without having to get out of the aforementioned bath.
This happened constantly when I was breast-feeding and had just got both me and daughter comfortable. It was as if the phone knew and was waiting for that exact moment to ring. I was convinced the man who read the meter would wait around the corner until he was sure I was sitting comfortably on the loo. My cup of tea would edge along the armrest of the sofa so it was millimetres shy of my outstretched fingers.
If I could have a superpower, that would be it, to move objects by the power of my mind alone.
That or Mind Bullets.
