It may be a sign of the times, or motherhood, or turning 30 that has stirred a change in me, but I am no longer the twenty-something willing to settle for second best or adequate. These things are no longer good enough for me. This change in attitude reflects on my whole life. I am no longer satisfied with being overweight. I don't want a wardrobe full of clothes that I don't like or can't wear. I am no longer willing to put up with wallpaper I don't like, shoes that aren't comfortable, things that don't work as they should or the cheap and cheerful tat that has surrounded me for years.
I intend to spring clean my life.
This maturing I have experienced stems I think from the realisation that my life, my actions, my dreams and my achievements now influence others, namely my daughter. If I am unhappy, stressed, fat, unfit and unimaginative what example am I setting for a two year old?
Although I sound like I want more out of life, as in material things, the truth is the opposite. I am rarely impressed by big cars, big houses, expensive clothes and extravagant living. There is a greater dignity I think in living well rather than living large. I would rather have one pair of shoes that would last me a lifetime, walk on any road I chose and show their scuffs with pride than a hundred pairs of impractical shoes that, although admired for their fashionability, gave me blisters and were quickly binned.
The fact is, the more I want, the less I actually need.
The heart of the matter is this, I am rich beyond belief. I have a beautiful home, sedately decorated I suppose, often littered with toys, often full of laughter. I have a wonderful husband, my best friend in whole world, the only one who sees me as I am, the only one from whom I hide nothing of myself. I have a beautiful daughter who is always laughing and full of mischief, bright and inquisitive and eager to see and do and learn.
I want for nothing.
I wonder how many people in this world can say that. There is such emphasis placed on having high powered, highly paid jobs. Houses so large that the people living there never have to socialise with each other if they don't want to. Three cars on the drive when only one person in the house has a licence. It is shameful that we value these things above quality time with our family, good manners and good friends, simplicity in all we do and say.
I know I sound like I'm about to retire, rather than a 30 year old working mother, but I think my outlook is a reflection of an ideal rather than an age group. I think Danny Glover said it best in Lethal Weapon.
"I'm getting too old for this shit."
